Oh, well....

Many times in my life I have read, especially non-fiction, and I am moved by what an author has to say. I hear their words and internalized them. I find ways that their words apply to my life then, I ponder, reflect, meditate and I try to act. Some times these actions are by trying to make changes in my self. Sometimes these words I feel apply to my family or friends and I pass that information along. Well once again this has happened, and I am passing it along to you. Martha Beck wrote 'The Woman Who Fell to Earth' for The Oprah Magazine December 2007. (Here is where I will answer the question 'Why on earth are you reading a December 2007 issue of The Oprah Magazine? ' The answer; I left my book and my new National Geographic Magazine as well as my ear phones at home and needed something to read while I was on the elliptical machine at the Y.)
The focus of the article is failure. The big F word in my life. The other big F word is Fear. Add them together Fear of Failure. This is what stops me from trying so many things. Failure is paramount to success. Everyone has heard that Thomas Edison failed 1,000 times at the invention of the light bulb. Thanks Thomas for trying again. Martha tries to convince the reader that failure makes you stronger and better. To do that you must "Let go of the 'Oh, no!' and embrace 'Oh, well....' then, what ever door opens, walk through it." I have read this and I want to be that person... but, can I?
I am not type A personality. I was not a goal oriented person. Even thought I knew that I wanted to be an Artist I never was able to give in to Art. I always knew I needed to pay rent instead of buy paints and brushes. I knew that I needed a job to to that. I never let my life suffer because of Art. And therefor I never failed. My senior art show was the only showing I have had. Which, to be quite honest showed no depth to my ability. I limited my works to safe pieces that would make everyone happy, my professors, my parents, and guests. The gallery was quite boring. I never take my art to extremes and they feel incomplete. I know I could push myself to create wonderful pieces of art. I stop. I stop my self because of fear. Fear of failure.
I stay just inches away from creating a work that is meaningful because if I do and I fail then??? I don't know what would happen because-- I have never tried. I am going to try. I am not trying to say that I have never failed. I have just never failed when I have been fully committed. This is one of the things that I think will raise me to a greater understanding of my self. Trying. Actually trying. And I am committed to trying again. Lets just see where this takes me.

Knit on.


P.S. Dear Husband, If you read this I am not talking about our marriage, that I am one hundred percent committed to success, as you well know. And watch out I may convert the dining room to a full on studio. Will the dining room table fit in to the living room? I Love you!